Best Friends, Other Women, and Gentlemen
In spite of the dangers and the difficulty in educating children, many Army women declared the Great Plains a good and healthful place to raise their children. One of the best resources they had in raising their children, one which separated their experience from that of the non-military pioneers who also experienced life on the Great Plains was the extended Army family of enlisted men, officers, and officers' wives with whom they lived. Friendships were not always easy to establish and maintain, but when women needed assistance of any kind, there were other women and men to call upon who understood that reciprocation in time of need was what they all depended upon.
When Frances Grummond was widowed in the midst of a very cold winter and in very hostile country, Margaret Carrington generously allowed Grummond to remain at the fort by taking her into her own home; other women made mourning clothes for her. (F. Carrington, p. 206, 157) These acts of sisterly compassion in such extreme circumstances was rarely necessary. However, it illuminates two realities of life for Army women. First, they did not own their homes and had no regulated place on an Army post; therefore if their husbands died, they were homeless, and often penniless. With word of the deaths of George Armstrong Custer and his entire command at the Battle of the Little Big Horn in 1876, Elizabeth Bacon Custer and the twenty-six other women widowed by the battle had to pack and leave the post three weeks after hearing of the deaths. (Custer, Boots and Saddles, p. 203; Leckie, p. 203)
The second reality is that in times of trouble officer's wives had a large group of people to draw on for support. Even if they had found some of the other women to be troublesome gossips, or the men drunkards, the strong sense of community that generally prevailed in the frontier Army drew all of them close together. However shallow their daily lives might seem, each woman offered spiritual and material comfort to anyone in need.
When, one early morning in October 1872, Frances Roe found that the cellar attached to her quarters at Camp Supply had been robbed of all of her food supplies, she and Faye had only a light breakfast. As word of the robbery spread about the post, "true Army hospitality and generosity manifested itself. We were invited out to luncheon, and to dinner, and to breakfast the next morning." Though she had experienced social conflict over her quarters when they were ranked out, she found that harsh words and jealousies disappeared when trouble appeared. "You can see how like one big family a garrison can be, and how in times of trouble we go to each other's assistance. . . . " even though sometimes "we have disagreeable persons with us. . . ." (Roe, p.78)
Rank ordered most social relations on the post. Though laundresses attended the enlisted men's hops, and offered kitchen gossip around the post, they were not part of officers' wives' society. Within the social groupings of officers' wives rank also prevailed. The commanding officers' wife had the obligation of hosting visiting officers and dignitaries as well as providing housing for newly arrived officers who had not yet obtained access to quarters (awaiting the ranking out process). Armstrong and Libbie Custer "believed that our house should be open at all hours to the garrison." (Custer, Boots and Saddles, p. 106) Alice Grierson, whose husband commanded Forts Concho and Davis, entertained officers and their families at holidays and accepted most social invitations, though she often complained of the fatigue that followed. (Grierson, pp. 66–67, 80, 81) She also kept an eye on social arrangements and re-arrangements, noting in a letter to Ben, that the post surgeon's wife "seems rather left alone on account of her having talked so freely of most persons in the garrison." (Grierson, p. 108)
Because they shared a duplex with another family, and because of the necessary interdependence on one another, officers' wives frequently made careful assessment of other women in the regiment. Jennie Barnitz wrote in her diary about other officers' wives at Fort Leavenworth. One woman she described as, "simple and unaffected & friendly." Another was "very lovely." But of another, she wrote, "I think she is very common place. Dresses well, but cannot talk any, & is not therefore a very desirable member of our dinner table." (Utley, p. 131) Military assignments brought officers and their wives into a close relationship that could be disastrous if they were unpleasant. With that in mind, Jennie's husband, Albert, consulted her before he selected a new officer for his staff. Jennie agreed with his selection, and noted that "[a]s an acquaintance, merely, Mrs. Smith is not disagreeable, and all familiarities can be easily avoided." (Utley, p. 149–150)
Evie Alexander described the women of the regiment they traveled with in 1866 as "rather a queer set." Mrs. K and her daughter are very common. Mrs. H. and 'Patrita' are Mexicans. . . . [T]here is Mrs. Sutorius, a bride of nineteen from New York, not highly educated, but well-behaved, and I like her. Another bride makes up our number, a child of fourteen. . . . (Alexander, p. 36)
The evaluation of the other women in the command was an on-going process and sometimes resulted in a quarrel if they were in close quarters. The officers' duplex-style housing at frontier posts was responsible for many conflicts. Elizabeth Burt noted that duplexes brought "families together in closer contact than was sometimes pleasant." (Burt, p. 48) Alice Baldwin found life in the duplexes to be "frequently amusing and ridiculous" but "often productive of strained relationship between the occupants." (Baldwin, p. 45) One young officer, becoming aware of the tension among officers' wives on a steamboat traveling up the Missouri River wrote to his mother, [The women] have all been more or less sick, cooped up in the small cabin of a rear wheeled boat, living on the most atrocious of boat fare for 34 days. During that time they have succeeded in discovering each other's failings with astonishing distinctness, and, from all I hear, have made the atmosphere pretty warm. (Howe, p. 527)
Nevertheless, a subsequent kind word or deed could reduce tensions and restore good feelings. Aware of her personal role in keeping peace during a tiring trip to Fort Harker, Jennie Barnitz wrote to Albert that she took her turn holding a difficult baby. ". . . [O]h that baby! I did try to be kind to [the mother] Albert — & 'took up my cross' — & held it once while it was sleeping . . . ." (Utley, p. 59)
Occasionally, an enlisted man would rise through the ranks and become an officer. His wife, though perhaps formerly a laundress, or a woman without a finishing school education, would become a member of high society at a post. This condition did not endear her to other Army women, for while a man could take pride in making officer, there was no admiration for women "rising through the ranks." The wives of West Point graduates and of officers who achieved their rank in the Civil War thought the lack of "good breeding," manners, and education left former laundresses unprepared for the intricate social relationships and duties of officers' wives. When Evie Alexander described the "queer set" of women in the regiment, she noted that "Mrs. C. was a company washwoman before her husband was promoted from the ranks." (Alexander, p. 36)
Linda Slaughter created a contrasting pair of fictional women whose husbands served at Fort Oryza (the fictional counterpart of Fort Rice). One was "the belle and beauty of the Regiment" who married an officer who had risen from the ranks. The other had risen with her husband, and steadfastly denied, in the face of the Army roster, that her husband had ever been a private soldier, notwithstanding the established fact that she had served at the same time an apprenticeship at the washtub . . . . To ensure the readers' understanding of the difference between the two women, Slaughter described the former laundress as "a stout, red-faced woman" by the name of Mrs. Captain O'Howl. (Slaughter, "The Amazonian Corps," 13 January 1875)
Gossip was a favorite pastime among the women (and men) of the post. And there was plenty to gossip about. Extra-marital affairs, drunken officers, and misbehaving servants were the gossips' main topics. Armstrong Custer admonished Libbie to not engage in "discussions concerning anyone." (Custer, Boots and Saddles, p. 102) Frances Roe resisted gossip by taking "brisk rides on spirited horses in this wonderful air, and learn[ing] to shoot all sorts of guns in all sorts of positions." This, she asserted was the antidote to the boredom that led to gossip. (Roe, p. 42) However, gossip was the term Kate Garrett (Gibson) used to describe the conversations among officers' wives about battles their husbands had fought. The conversations, over tea or needlework, served to prepare the young woman for her life as an Army wife. (Fougera, p. 118)
Gossip was welcomed when it was brought by officers' wives or visitors fresh from the East. Elizabeth Burt rejoiced in the visits of easterners to Fort C. F. Smith. What an unexpected pleasure, to receive a lady just from the State, bringing the latest news, the new spring fashions, and the most recent gossip. Gossip? Yes, indeed; we all needed such a tonic to our brains, stupefied by a winter of stagnation, spent out of the world. The men were not behind the women either and the whole garrison was brightened by the new arrivals who gave us the opportunity of talking of something other than the dull routine of our small community. (Burt, p. 182)
Whether informative, gentle, or profane, gossip was an important form of communication by which officers' wives found common ground with one another and which helped to establish the moral standards of each post. Gossip served to maintain middle-class standards of fashion and behavior, and to notify those who defied those standards that they would not be welcomed in officers' society.
Figure 9. Agnes Sage was the sister of Mrs. D. B. Long (see Figure 1). While visiting her sister in Kansas, she died in the cholera epidemic of 1867. Courtesy Nebraska Historical Society Photograph Collection RG2787.PH.0.3.
While many women developed close friendships at the posts, they also encouraged unmarried sisters, nieces, cousins, and friends to venture into the Great Plains for extended visits. Sometimes the intention was to have help with children and household, but quite often the visits were purely social. Elizabeth Burt took her younger sister with her to several primitive posts on the Great Plains because [i]t seemed to me that I was going out of the world, and my mother felt the same way, consequently she allowed my youngest sister Kate to join us before we left Jefferson Barracks. (Burt, p. 46) Though Kate turned out to be an indispensable help with the children of the growing Burt family, her presence alone was a great comfort to Elizabeth.
Some of these young visitors hoped to find a husband among the bachelor officers of the regiment. Kate Garrett (Gibson) did, just as her sister had hoped. Others were disappointed in the selection and returned home alone. The custom of inviting single young women to the post, not only enlivened post social life, but allowed Army women to be more selective about their companions.
Figure 10. Armstrong and Libbie Custer with an unidentified man and Libbie's cousins Rebecca and Mary Richmond. Rebecca Richmond spent several months as the Custers' guest at several Kansas posts in 1868. Courtesy Nebraska Historical Society Photograph Collection RG 3126.PH.0.0.
Officers' wives and their visitors were generally impressed with the manners and attentions of the officers. It was quite common for women to ride horseback out from the garrison with someone other than their husbands. Frances Roe enjoyed the company of several officers, many of them bachelors, when her husband's duties left her alone. Katie Garrett (Gibson) was constantly questioned about her ability to ride and shoot, so she accepted the offer tendered by Armstrong and Tom Custer to teach her to ride and shoot. Women who rode and hunted enjoyed a special position in Army society. Katie was pleased when Tom and Armstrong took her hunting. "[O]ne day, when I shot a bird from a branch, Tom forgot his manners and almost knocked me off my mount, slapping me on the back, and ejaculating, 'Golly, what a shot!'" (Fougera, p. 95) Able to ride and shoot well, Katie was accepted in the society of Army officers.
Figure 11. Mrs. E. H. Webber (wife of Lt. Edwin H. Webber) rode this Army horse sidesaddle at Fort Buford. Courtesy State Historical Society of North Dakota 0030-I-11.
Officers called on the women of the post on a regular basis. In the absence of their husbands, the women never lacked escorts for social events. The women, when alone, were referred to as "widows," a term which caused some of them concern considering that their husbands were often in mortal danger. When a young officer arrived and announced to Linda Slaughter that he was to escort the "doctor's widow to the hop," she protested that she was "'not a widow, but the doctor's wife.'" Her naïve misunderstanding of the term delighted those familiar with the custom. (Slaughter, Fortress to Farm, p. 32)
